The Coaching Life Company

Just finished reading this brilliant book ‘Nonviolent Communication A Language of Life’ by Marhsall B. Rosenberg. I loved this book as the process is communicated so clearly and beautifully, with each part of the process summarised at the end of each chapter. It illustrates how to use each technique with stories and breaking the process down into easy parts.It is so interesting to discover how much of what we say is coloured by how we think. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to improve their communication.

His model has four components which are 1)observation 2) feeling 3) needs and 4) requests. We observe the concrete actions that are affecting our well-being. We notice how we are feeling in relation to what we are observing. We honor the needs, values desries, etc. that are creating the feelings. We request concrete actions in order to enrich our lives.

Let’s take a look at ‘Observation’ today. Have a look at the following exercise (this was taken from the book p.34) Do you think they are an observation or evaluation?

1. John was angry with me yesterday for no reason
2. Yesterday evening Nancy bit her fingernails while watching television
3. My father is a good man.
4. Janice works too much.
5. My son often doesn’t brush his teeth.

So let’s see how you got on. Here are the respsonses from the book

1.  ”for no reason’ is an evaluation. Also it is an evaluation to infer that John was angry. he may have been feeling hurt, scared or hurt, etc. Examples of observation without evaluation might be: “John told me he was angry’
2. This is an observation without evaluation
3. ‘A good man’ is an evaluaton. An observation without an evaluation would be ‘For the last 20 years, my father has given one-tenth of his salary to charity’
4. ‘Too much’ is an evaluation. ‘Janice spent more than 60 hours at the office this week’ would be an observation
5. ‘Often’ is a valuation. An observation without evaluation would be, ‘Twice this week my son didn’t wash his teeth before going to bed.’

So how did you get on? Do you evaluate more than you thought? I know I discovered that I do. I am going to share more thoughts about how to use this process. Let me know if you want some help with your communication.